PANDORA WANG
IV. PROCESS AND CRITICAL REFLECTION (SKETCHES, ATTEMPTS, NOTES )
Reviewing my own transition, I have been trough the initial emotional turmoil, struggle (when I had to assess my situation and make decisions to cope), the paralysis and then the calmness (see illustration below). I have written down all the emotions I have had, the counter measures I have used and used mood bubbles as visual aids. From where I have highlighted practice key words and formulated a few practice decisions.
Vision:
Created a time series covering a 8-12 months period, multimedia installations.
Decisions:
1) Mediums and surfaces: the process may involve a change from rough to refined surfaces. Drawing mediums may show a similar evolution from rough mediums to fluid mediums to very refined mediums.
2) Multi-media approach: include drawings or photos of personal belongings, writings, notes, prescriptions etc.
3) Narratives: Gather and document diaries, calendars, receipts, to-do lists, prescriptions, notes. Possible stages to "set the scenes should include bed, bathtub, kitchen table, nightstand, mirrors, then perhaps moving to the outdoor.
4) Experiments: different arrangements, digital manipulations, projections, consider introducing the role of a therapist
After the freefall, the emotional roller coaster began with insomnia.
After note:
It was not easy to revisit those haunting memories. It was like ripping off the stitches, reopening the flesh and examining the tendons and bones. But as I finished the first installation, I felt calm. I had my closure stapled to the wall, not for pity or care, or any profound purpose, but as a reminder, it happened and now it's over. In this sense, I think my current work is personal to the degree of selfish. But if there is any meaning to be found from the suffering of the meaningless, it would probably be of comfort - there will be downfalls, it may happen again and again, but it will eventually pass, like everything else. One of the fellow artist said during crits that she felt less lonely knowing about the project, and I could not have longed for more.
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Going forward, there are a few things being brought to my attention in the first phase of the project (unit):
1. Time frame: recalling the mood curve, I am still at the stage of visualising the very beginning of the transition. Although I have become more certain along the way about the system, process, and mediums (to the least a more mature approach of tackling these issues), there is still an urgent need to develop a more rigid work schedule to complete the series.
2. Articulation: control - the countermeasure against uncertainty. During a recent tutorial, Geraint has shared his own experience dealing with uncertainties, which was an excessive amount of attention invested on the chores - something I have noticed in both myself and David. I have been afraid of being criticised of for my need for control and I have been at times, force myself to deal with or visualise uncertainties in a very literal approach. Now reviewing my works I believe I should test the opposite - to manifest the insecurity by introducing a even more rigid system or more rigid construction, to put the obsessive need for control under the spotlight and let it grow to an extreme. (To be continued in Unit 2)
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idea testing, Jan 25 2022
